So,
I fully realize that my upkeep with this thing has been abysmal, but I'm
convinced that I've had a legitimate excuse: med school's exhausting.
Especially when you personal life is chaotic as hell.
Also,
I find it funny that I'm actually composing this post in New York City, after
[successfully] completing my first semester of med school (yippeeee!!). It's
ironic that I somehow manage to find the resolve and inner-peace necessary to
compose an entry in this obscenely busy city. There must be something in the
oh-so-delicious water.
So
the semester flew by. As many people say re. med school, "the weeks go
fast, but the days go slow." It's SO true; it's a bizarre form of torture.
In some ways you feel condemned to perpetually reviewing notes, but then
somehow you also feel rushed to finish reviewing everything in time for the
weekly Friday exams. It really is a horrible sensation of feeling stuck in a
cycle of maddeningly monotonous studying while also being rushed. Seriously,
it’s bizarre. That being said, however, I am still hugely grateful that a
medical school saw me worthy of admission, and that I am taking the necessary
steps to have a future as a physician/surgeon. So, despite the rigor of the curriculum,
I’ve had some unspeakably amazing extracurricular opportunities, and I’ve come
to love my classmates more and more everyday.
The
last time I updated this thing was around the time of my White Coat Ceremony.
After my White Coat, I basically fell off the face of the earth. I holed myself
up in books, and distracted myself with inherently doomed relationships. But
me, being the irresponsible, everlasting optimist (and stubborn romantic),
fought to no avail. Alas, such is life, I suppose. Luckily, as an optimist, I
can look forward and steadfastly believe that better things await me. I know
for certain that I am not going to live out my life being treated unacceptably,
and I will continue to look until I find a team player that cares about me,
treats me the way I deserve to be treated, and looks forward to sharing my
incredible journey as much as I look forward to sharing theirs. Until then, I’m
going to continue busting my ass, and setting myself up for an exciting future
in medicine.
It’s
odd. My desire to ruminate on this a lil’ bit is totally spurred on by my being
back in the city. The past few months have been hugely draining and supremely
demanding. Strangely, though, within hours of being back in the city, I was
texting the same cadre of people that I had barely spoken to since moving to
Iowa, and immediately slipped back into the friend circles that I had during my
time at Columbia. While I’ve missed the city enormously, and many of the people
in it, it’s eerie sometimes how certain places/sounds can remind you of
something so strongly that it feels like you’re almost reliving the original
memory (certain songs do this sometimes (does anybody know what I’m talking
about??)). Anyway, I’ve visited some places in the city that have certainly
left a profound mark on my life. Unfortunately, they’re those places that have left
marks you’d rather forget, put behind you, or erase altogether. Sadly, this
amazing city is riddled with these little landmines. Landmines that remind you
how futile life can be, that despite your best efforts to create incredible
memories, you also risk those memories going sour. It’s strange that even after
a crazy semester in med school, I return to NYC and feel like I’m stuck in a
strange Groundhog Day scenario, where I find myself thinking/communicating with
people I’d rather never think about/talk to again. In an attempt to see a
silver lining, however, I know that this astounding place is constantly in
flux. There will be ample opportunity to make new memories that will ease the
passing of the old, no-longer-worthy-of-my-attention memories. Fortunately, I
don’t think that’ll be so difficult (oy, also probably too optimistic).
Anyway,
I’m currently writing this part of the entry in a taxi that I’m taking from the
West Village to the Upper East Side. Gazing out the window as I go from one
neighborhood to the next, I realize that life can change in a minute, and that
holding onto the things that bring you nothing but stress and sadness is
completely idiotic. When you feel neglected, the ONLY option is to cut that out
of your life (if it’s a possibility). There is absolutely no reason to let
anyone diminish how you feel about yourself, or ask you to become something you
aren’t. The most appropriate response to anyone who asks that of you: “Thanks,
but no thanks, and, oh, fuck you!” Someone who actually cares about you would never want you to change, they love the parts of you that many others might see as flaws.
 |
| "I was a sensitive mountain" Saw this at a gallery in Chelsea. It spoke to me--particularly the past tense. SO awesome. |
So yeah, there’s my reflection on that. Fortunately, my
unbelievably amazing friends have been there for me through thick and thin.
What makes me so grateful is that they immediately recognize when I’m not my
normal, eccentric self, and do their best to empathize and support me. I say
this with complete certitude, I love them SOO much. J I would NOT have made it
through the semester without their amazing support and heartfelt advice.
Anyway, now I’m too journaled-out to actually talk about med
school. I mean, it’s pretty straightforward: study, study, eat shitty food,
study, maybe sleep, repeat. But yeah, I’ll definitely update this thing again
soon. I do want to discuss some awesome shadowing opportunities that I’ve had,
and discuss the details of the journey on which I’m about to embark. Tonight, I
leave out of JFK for Asia. I’ll be stopping in Abu Dhabi for a few hours, poke
around that supposedly awesome airport, then off to Delhi (also for a few
hours), and then finally Kathmandu. I’m sooo excited to get my hiking on, and
to see Amruta et al.
Until then, I’m signing off until I’m on that side of the
world! Tschüss!
